And that's when my butterfly flapped its wings!

It was Children's Day and we had all been given five sweets each. Those days, sweets did mean a lot! I clutched mine and walked towards the classroom. I could see Mrs. P walking towards me. In those years, we had Moral Science as a subject (maybe kids still do). She was our Moral Science teacher. She was looking down, her shoulders slouched. There was something forlorn about her. I stopped her and offered her the sweets. She was taken aback but looked at me and took a sweet and thanked me.

A week later in the class while talking of compassion she talked about the student who came up to her and offered her sweets when the whole school had been given sweets. She said it had brightened her day. I squirmed in my seat, embarrassed, praying for her not to take my name. I was always a shy timid kid. Thankfully, she didn't.

Three years later, I flunked in Class IX. Somehow science, mathematics confused my already lost mind. I tried convincing my Class teacher to promote me, promising that I would work hard. He asked me to go back to him after two days. Two days later, I was told that I had been promoted to Class X. I had no idea how it happened but I was relieved! I kept asking him but he didn't tell me till few months later. He mentioned I'd needed ten points to pass. Five to be given for any curricular activities that I'd been part of. Which I got from my Debating instructor. And five from the Morals' in-charge of school. Till then, I had no idea that we had a Morals' in-charge. And guess who that Morals' in-charge turned out to be? She never told me what she had done but she did mention to my Class teacher that she had known me since I was in Class VI and maybe I didn't remember, but she had not forgotten the five sweets and how she believed I had deserved those five points .

That is how I started believing in Karma or the butterfly effect or in more atheist terms, how one small thing sets other things in motion and finally it all makes sense.

And that is how it came full circle.

Won't you talk to me, please?

Some place

I woke up that morning to a very quiet house. My parents and brother were not around. They had gone somewhere without waking me up. Those were not the 'mobile' times. After three hours they came back, accompanied by my Granma. She came into my room with sweets and congratulated me. The foundation ceremony for our new house had been held that morning. No one had informed me, but that was expected perhaps, since my family had stopped talking to me as I refused to get married to someone they had chosen.

Another place

I'd left the country. My father had sent me a mail. Snail mail as those were also not 'internet' times. He had written about how he missed me. How everyday at two pm, he would stare at the gate, hoping for me to enter it. How every evening he would imagine me walking around. How he would 'hear' me talk all around. As I read his letter, with immense longing, my heart was also filled with a frustration over all the time that he could have had with me, that he had had with me, and with an immense sense of loss over the time that we would never get back.

Now

My parents love me, as they have always done. They are happy. Everything is good. But one question haunts me. What if we had not wasted those two years in not talking to each other? What did we gain out of it? What if something had happened to one of us during that time? Would we be left behind with that regret? My parents must have had their own reasons. They were trying to discipline me perhaps. Whatever, they are my parents, I will never judge them. And I can never ever try to make them realise how it affected me.

But how many of you do this with people around you? I understand cooling off period after an argument. But how many of you love to give the 'silent treatment'? Is that an ego game? What does it achieve? What about the time wasted all this while? Would you never regret that? Is it really the solution? It is the worst punishment you can inflict on someone. Just shutting down. Closing all channels of communication and then expecting a resolution. What impact would that make on the person at the receiving end?

Next time, we need to ask ourselves all these questions before we shut down those doors.

Does Amazon Deliver This?

I had spent an hour in the bank with Uncle, as he had to transfer some money. In a small SBI branch in a sleepy area of a small town. I couldn't resist the urge.

''Uncle, why don't we activate your internet banking?''

''Why would I do that?'' He asked

''Well, then you wont have to spend an hour here for things like transfer. You can even do your shopping online. Everything will be so easy!'' I was so excited about initiating him into the world of Net banking.

He asked ''If I do that, I wont have to step out of the house? I wont have to come to the bank?''

''Yes, yes''! I said. I told him how even grocery can be delivered at door now and how amazon delivers everything!

His answer left me tongue-tied. Our parents, have somewhere found the perfect balance. They enjoy seeing the photos we send them on Whats App but they have not broken their human ties. They have adopted technology on our insistence but not forgotten where it all began.

He said ''Since I entered this bank today, I have met four of my friends, I have chatted a while with the staff who know me very well by now. My kids are out of town and visit me now and then but this is the company that I need. I like to get ready and come to the bank. I have enough time, it is the physical touch that I crave. Two years back I got sick, very sick. The butcher from whom I buy meat, came to see me and sat by my bedside and cried. The man who comes every month to collect my bills and goes and physically pays them for a nominal charge from me, has only that mean of earning and the only thing that keeps him busy in his retired life. My wife fell down few days back while on her morning walk. My local grocer saw her and immediately got his car to rush her home as he knows where I live. Would I have that 'human' touch if everything became online?

Why would I want everything delivered to me and force me to interact with just my computer?

I like to know the person that I'm dealing with and not just the 'seller' . It creates bonds. Relationships. Does Amazon deliver all this as well?'''

A Mosquito Changed My Life!

They say if you want to make God laugh, you should tell him your future plans. I think in September first week God was having a laugh riot thanks to me!

 Mosquitoes donot bite me. I remember boasting to everyone while the Husband would curse at the poor little beings as he would suffer from severe allergy due to the bites. Even in a place full of mosquitoes I would come out unscathed and I would continue about how they just donot bite me! I was diagnosed with Dengue. It just happened in one day that I lost consciousness.To cut a long story short, I fell into the two percent Dengue cases that result in death. Forty days in ICU with multiple organs affected, liver on verge of giving up, and sixty days in hospital altogether with a bill surmounting INR25 lakhs. Managed to push through with great medical care and so so many prayers and I’m still to tell my story. Guess had more sins left to commit :-).

What I learnt is what this piece is all about. Eat well. Pray hard. Sometimes a prayer is the one last thing that works. Conscience can be a real bitch when you are about to die so keep it really clean. Build up your immunity. No aerated drinks (or atleast read how they affect your liver before you grab that bottle). Get periodic check-ups done. Donot assume that your liver or kidney or heart is perfect as there are no signs. Believe in the age-old adage that Health is Wealth and nothing is more important. Love the people who love you. Value them. Know who really cares about you and donot take them for granted. Cut down on pill-popping; it slowly kills your immunity. Make a list of all your important passwords, policies, and keep them somewhere today itself. Do what you have really wanted to do. Trust me, God is smiling so donot leave it for the far-away future when everything will be perfect. Oh yes, and beware the mosquitoes!

And finally, when swamped by deadlines, flustered by work issues, irritated by personal relations, annoyed at people, offended by them, just take a deep breath. Infact, do it now as you read this. And keep in mind that this is the only in-put and out-flow that matters at the end of the day!

The Boil Within Us

Few days back I met up with a relative who was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma about a year back. Sixty-eight years of age, he would bicycle about twenty kilometers each day, never smoked, and ate healthy. As a person, he is religious, helpful, and quite affectionate. Both him and I had a nasty time in 2014. We got talking.

It was not about the disease but the way it had impacted us to such an extreme. What blew us away? Why had our immunity gone to the dogs? Both of us had one thing similar. He had been a straight-forward person all his life but recently he had started bottling up. For me, last two years had been two of the most difficult ones. I had gone through extreme anger, guilt, frustration, despair, basically all the negative siblings. I had also been bottling up. I had thought of seeking professional help but, sadly in India, visiting a shrink entails too many queries. Plus, I thought I could handle it. So did he.

The rapidity with which his Myeloma and my Dengue spread and impacted, was shocking. As if our bodies were so weak that one small excuse and we were pushed off the cliff.

The common thread had been, the boil that both he and I had had inside. It got me thinking. Do we not bring down our immunity when we are emotionally or mentally vulnerable? Would it be too far-fetched to say that our physical well-being is connected to our mental well-being, even in diseases which are not directly linked? I have seen my father’s health troubling him more when he has other things on his mind. And these are not directly related issues like hypertension or acidity.

Why do we let the inner boils grow? What stops us from taking help from our family, friends, or counselors? Why do we not take these seriously enough? If we think talking doesn’t help, then we have to be strong enough within us to be handle it and end the negative emotion right there. You get angry, you just keep shut. Cool!

But is your emotional and mental self is also at peace? If not, you just added more fluid to the boil.  A boil, that will in the end manifest itself in some strange form and you will be left wondering what happened. So, find an outlet. Talking, meditating, helping others, anything that helps you stay healthy…mentally and emotionally.